The Next Generation of Sexual Predators

Ladies and gentlemen, the complete lyrics to "You Got Beef" by Andy Milonakis. Many thanks to Flip for the link.

I think we should bear in mind while we read this that Andy's mind is far more advanced than our own. When lyrics appear not to make sense, it's merely because we're simply not bright enough to understand them.

If you'd like to see Andy in performance, go to Flip's LJ - his name is thepyroweasel. The lyrics are really only a part of the beautiful picture this "little fat white kid" wants to paint for you. The experience isn't complete without the electrifying vocals.





Yeah, you got beef?
Yeah, you got beef?
I fuck your mother in her dumb teeth
Cuz her teeth has a pussy.
But I like when her teethy pussy
Is on me.
It’s on my dick
And it feels real slick.
But yo
It kinda scrapes me.
Yo, I’m depressed.
I kinda hate me.
I hate me more than you do, Dad.
Are you glad
That I moved out?
Are you glad that I shout
When you touch me on my no-no spot
You fuckin’ blood clot?
I hope you fuckin’ rot in hell.
What’s that fuckin’ smell?
It’s your corpse rottin’
Oh my god, I eat cotton
Cuz I don’t like food.
Yo, I’m in a bad mood
And I’m real rude
Like a rude dude who doesn’t say
Excuse me
When he pushes me into your pussy.
Oh my god.
I don’t know what I’m talking about
Cuz I’m a fuckin’ crazy
Little fat white kid.
I fuck dykes
And I fuck ducks.
I fuck skunks
And I fuck skanks.
I fuck skanks.
I fucked Dax from “Punk’d".
Oh my god,
You got junk in your trunk.
Lemme fuck it.
Lemme fuck your trunk.
Lemme fuck your car.
I’ll put my dick in your gas tank.
You can thank my father for me being gay.
But I’m not
Cuz I like pussy.
And I like it in my blood clot pastures (?).
Yo
Why do I fuck animals?
Cuz it’s so beautiful.
Right,
You little beautiful duck?
You little beautiful goose?
You little beautiful geese?
I drink Grey Goose.
I fuck gay geese.
I fuck my niece.
I fuck your fleece
Like Old Navy.
My tits are gravy.
My belly button’s made out of strawberry something.
But I’m nothing.
Everybody calls me a zero
But I’m an internet hero.
So gimme some gold medals
And I’ll give you some rose petals
On your bloody asshole.
Yo
Yo, yo.
I like the moles too,
And I like the little pigeons
Cuz their beak tickles my penis engine
And the transmission.
I know you’re wishin’
That this little fat kid would listen
For one second to himself.
Cuz he might stop rappin’ about stupid shit
And he might put the camera on the shelf.
Oh my god.
Touch myself.
Touch my wealth.
I got Benjamins
But would you loan me a dollar, kid?
I’d gladly pay you Tuesday
For a buck today.
You’re dead like Uday & Qusay.
I’m gay
but I like pussy.
I rock Stussy.
No I don’t.
I rock Echo.
I got a tattoo,
It’s of a gecko.
You could see it
Cuz I got the night vision on.
Yo, you’re not listenin’.
You’re not listenin’
To yourself.
Yo, yo.
Yo.
Yo, yo.
Let’s rap about geese again.
Let’s rap about hens again.
Let’s rap about Mexicans.
Yo, one day I took my mind out
And I fucked it,
And my dick became smarter.
Now I’m a retarded martyr.
I’m gonna kill myself
All retarded
All over the country.
Peace.


In all seriousness, this poor kid is severely fucked up. I hope someone's thought to check out his relationship with his dad, because it sounds like something is really wrong there. Like, beyond the typical teenage rebellion shit.

EDIT: I located another song of Andy's, the lyrics of which are about to be reprinted here. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe Andy isn't so dumb, having visited his website. It's not that he says anything particularly bright - it's that he's SO dumb it's beginning to sound like some elaborate prank.

I think I'll call this one "Nipple Angst":





Yo, yo.
What’s up, sonnies?
What’s up, sonnies?
What up, dunnies?
What up, sonnies?
What up, dunnies?
What’s up, sonnies?
Yo, yo.
I fuck a roach
While I approach
I approach my mission.
Are you wishin’
I come off on a mission?
Yo, what’s up?
My nipples are big.
Yo, what’s up?
I like to do a jig.
Yo, what’s up?
I fuck you with a fig.
I fuck you with a jig.
I fuck you with my nig.
I fuck you with a pig.
I fuck you with nothin’.
I fuck you ‘cuz you’re frontin’.
I don’t give a fuck.
Make me a blunt, kid,
‘Cuz I’m comin’ over.
I’m over like Rover.
So if you’re ready
Then come over, Rover.
Come over now.
I fuck a cow.
I eat your chow.
Now, now, now.
I don’t know what I’m sayin’.
I don’t know what I’m sprayin’.
I don’t know why I’m delayin’
‘Cuz I paused.
I don’t believe in Santa Claus.
But I believe in the Tooth Fairy
‘Cuz he gave me some money.
I heard he was hairy.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I’m gonna take a paper bag
And put it over my throat
And choke myself.
I love myself.
I love my shelf.
But my dick has too many splinters.
I can’t fuck it anymore.
I got fucking
Fucked, fucked, fucked.
My nipples are bigger than anyone in the world.
Why are my nipples so big?
They’re bigger than a pancake wearin’ a wig.
They’re bigger than your mom.
They’re bigger than your sister’s little pussy.
I guess that’s not big
‘Cuz I just said it was little.
I guess I’ll eat Alpo
Mixed with tender vittles.
Oh my god.
I like Skittles,
Especially tropical.
I like to be topical
So I go to the news before I come up with a new freestyle.
I’m gonna walk a mile
And lose my fat tits.
I’m gonna walk a mile
And lose my grits
That I bought from the store
That I bought from a whore
When I fucked her in the asshole
While you watched and made a glass mold
‘Cuz you’re a glass blower
And I’m an ass mower.
I mow your ass
Quick fast
Like my name was Flash.
Yo,
My nipples are really annoying me.
Oh boy,
Can’t you see?
No you can’t, cuz you’re blind
From my lemon rind
That I squirted in your eyes.
Oh no.
I just don’t know anymore.
Peace.


More to come, I'm sure. I'm in excruciating pain from my back and from my head, so I'm trying to keep busy in order to ignore it.

EDIT: Here's a website where you can find most of his stuff.It's all very, very entertaining. I'll keep bringing lyrics. This is fun.

http://www.angrynakedpat.com/network/icf/index.php

FINAL EDIT: Okay, last one, I promise.





Yo kid.
I got you fuckin’ open,
I got you open.
Yo, I got you open
Like a jaw that was already open.
Now you’re hopin’
I put you down.
What’s that frown?
Turn that shit upside down.
I’m gonna fuckin’ smack you
With beef patties
Then call you daddy.
‘Cuz you are my daddy.
So then why did you leave me?
Huh?
I was only three.
Now I have to suck peepee on the street,
Yo,
Then I touch your meat.
That’s kinda gross.
I fuck it with toast
‘Cuz that’s what I was taught.
But no more.
I’m not your little boy-whore no more.
I’m goin’ out the front door, sayin’ no.
Then go
Tell someone I trust
Tell someone I lust
And then suck their dick instead.
Hey yo,
I give the bestest head
‘Cuz I got no teeth.
I take out my dentures
And give ‘em a little gum jobby-jobby.
Yo, call me Robby.
I’m changing my identity.
You don’t mean shit to me.
It’s a fuckin’ unsolved mystery
How I fleed this planet.
I’m gonna go up to Mars
With Janet Jackson and her gay brother.
Oh my god.
I’m getting smothered
With lovers.
I got big tits,
They’re a C-cup.
And I got a penis,
So that’s fucked up.
But that’s all right.
I eat Twinkies at night
And I don’t walk,
I just fight my food cravings.
I spend my life savings
On the biggest meat patty in the world.
Yo, I fuck girls sometimes,
Sometimes guys.
Just kidding.
I just eat fries all day.
I’m all gay.
I’m all hetero.


He seems so badly confused.